RUN: 3+ miles (Home <--> Rave) @29:04

As you could imagine, it was a rough day at work. All that I thought was gravy at work last Thursday came back as leftovers that I'll have to rehash into something not only edible, but delectable. I don't know why I'm so Tense at work. Granted, I don't have a coding buddy nearby, just an antagonistic older-brother-figure, who is the most knowledgeable person on the program. He'll help me, but it's difficult to guess how he'll react to requests. Meh.

Anyways, I'm going to try to get a good jump on tomorrow, as I'm determined to get to bed by 10pm so I can wake up with enough time for my stomach and all to get settled (I really shouldn't eat so late at night... but what else is there to do?).

Okay, so I'm writing this blog directly after the run, to try to get things done done done. Many times, I lose track of time and wonder where it went... it's all relative, and that's what happens when you live by yourself.

Tonight, I ran from the house to the Rave theatre to check showtimes for Hot Fuzz... I missed the 7:15pm showing, and the next one is at 10:05pm (too late). And I want to lay the ground-work for the website I had supposedly been updating -- the task as just been too stressful to think about. I think that I would work better in a pairs setting. Yeah... don't get me started about dating and all. It's complicated, and lots of wishful-thinking and self-defeating acts (dark and twisty). All I'll say is that I'm looking for someone that I can take care of and who will take care of me.

Okay, focus.

I ran. I ran wearing my navy blue women's brooks shorts (hey, it's not much different) and my large lime green sleeveless nike shirt. The self-defeating aspect of it was that I was wearing my jockey short boxer briefs underneath when I should've free-balled it (TMI, I know)... I've told myself that I'm not going to wear boxers or boxer-briefs underneath my running shorts, but noooo... I couldn't even manage keeping to that rule.

I need consequences. I need structure and discipline. And I need motivation and a second-chance. It's all a learning experience, but I've also got to remember that I'm not the only one learning.

That's what I need to work on at the office... taking command of my part of the project and becoming an authority. I'll be reinforcing what I'm learning and showing more assertiveness. I'll need more concentration and more rest... and more time. I've gotta give myself time and pace myself... like with tonight's run. I was probably clocking 9-minute miles... my legs weren't stretched out well and carrying a water bottle didn't make things any easier, but I adjusted... slowed down and didn't push myself too hard. I got out there, sweated, and am ready to move along with the rest of the night. I'm going to eat, shower, set up a template, then prepare for bed.

Oh, I'm also going to try the turn-off-the-water-heater thing to see if that makes any difference in my electricity bill (yeah, I know it's scrimping, but it's something I've gotta try nonetheless). Gas is almost back up to $3.00 over here... boo! But it's a necessity... a luxury, but one that I'm too dependent on. I'd probably shrivel up if I wasn't able to go to Orlando. I miss the tea house already, and it's only been a couple weeks.

I'm just rambling on... a result of the massive picture show that was this past weekend. I think that my reality is a bit off-kilter (and I'm not talking about the Celtic rock band at the Canadian pavilion)... I always feel like the "different" one, which I realize is part of my charm, but I'm almost ready for something settled. The excitement wouldn't stop -- just more focused.

Anyways, food beckons and 10:00pm.

[sorry, no kitchen pic tonight]