Tuesday, January 23, 2007

JOURNAL: Current Internal Conflict

I've been feeling manic lately -- great "high" moments followed by a free-falling lull afterwards. I have to attribute a lot of it to my not GOING FOR what I want... holding back because reality sets in hard (-- "what am I working towards?"). And I also attribute it to falling out of a regular schedule. And as a result, I both press-on aggressively towards some ventures -- mid-day/midnight/marathon sessions at work -- and I revert back to unhealthy habits -- I won't go into details here, but will say that I'm just numbing myself at home... trying not to think too far in the future.

What can be done? What is to be expected? What do I need?

I don't know. I don't know. Perhaps just to get out of town... revisit people I haven't seen in a long time... meet new people... or just to get back onto some sort of schedule... get back on the running program.

We'll see how that goes tonight... that is, if I don't stay too late here at work.

3 comment(s):

Poker and Euchre said...

We miss Uncle Cedric! Momonymous gets to visit in March, but we won't.

Uncle Cedric needs to come back!

Cinonymous said...

At least you know how you're straying from the things that keep you sane/regular.

Yeah, definitely a vacation (without Mom & Dad) but not a vacation from the blog!

Cedric said...

Yeah, right now I've gotta put more energy into the things that are more attain-able, otherwise it's painful no matter how good it is -- and painful in not the good way.

I'll try to blog-on... will probably continue in blog-bursts just like in this morning.