Monday, October 06, 2008

JOURNAL: Facebook

This is just a post before bed (yeah, it's past a little past midnight, but I tried to take a nap while soaking in the tub... nevermind about that). Anyways...

Like many others, I have a MySpace and a Facebook, but I hardly update either -- MySpace because the site feels so impersonal and open, Facebook because everyone always wants to be everyone else's friend and I get overwhelmed with the sheer number of connections and I pre-stress about trying to keep up with everyone and on and on and on...

which is probably why I do keep up with a [one-sided-ish] blog for whoever to keep up with.

Well, as I was getting ready for bed, I figured to check up on Facebook since I've gotten a wave of friend requests. I was curious. And a couple things really struck me in the gut.

First, I found out that a close high-school friend got married. I was surprised that I had to find out this way. I mean, we used to send each others letters in the mail even when it wasn't our birthdays. I guess that I shouldn't take it personally because I knew that we were heading in different paths... she's very religious and I'm just not -- and though that shouldn't be the reason, I did feel that we were losing that connection. Honestly, I'm feeling a little hurt still... and awkward that we're Facebook friends. I mean, I feel like it's a tattoo that needs to be removed as I feel like it's lost a lot of meaning from where I am.

After seeing that, I made another incredible discovery, except this one caught me totally off guard -- and took me out of my head. I mean... just incredible. It put my life -- all that I've done since college, all my reasons and excuses for the decisions I've made and for who I've made myself to be -- into a huge perspective. I don't even know where to begin, except to say that I may need some time away to reflect on my motivations and on where I want my life to go.

I do apologize for being vague as to what I found, but I don't want to announce anything until I've had more time to process. Maybe the thoughts will organize themselves as I sleep tonight.

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