Friday, November 07, 2008

JOURNAL: Out At Work

Like many others, I was disappointed and angry about the passing of Florida's Amendment 2. When I woke up on Wednesday, I went to work feeling a little tired from watching Obama's late night acceptance speech (and from my 2nd cup of free Starbucks coffee and from the subsequent WM run). The day was normal, and I guess I was concentrated on not gloating that Obama won -- I mean, everyone is really in this together, and I do believe that the unity of the country is more important than "who won" -- and in doing so, I realized that I was suppressing some feelings I had of Amendment 2.

Today, though, I woke up with the soreness of being a second-class citizen. It was a feeling like after a long hard run, how it sometimes doesn't hit you until a couple days later. So the usually out-spoken and happy me at work was replaced with a somber and quiet me look-alike. Compounded by a less-than-stellar attendance at the TM officer meeting the day before, my reasons for d&t were mounting, and by the end of the day, I found myself in another "discussion" with my officemate about how the amendment was discrimination -- and not just semantics. I didn't realize it then, but it was just as bad as talking religion.

I really should let it go, but today I couldn't. I spoke my peace, and in the process, officially came out to him. I've learned that if there's difficult news (e.g., breaking up, coming out) the best time to do it is right before a long weekend, so I'm kinda proud of my timing. Anyways, it wasn't too bad. I'm sure word will spread... dah dah dah... The frustrations over Amendment 2 was my breaking point in my closetness at work.

After work, I went to an award fee party for the program I'm working on [I may create a separate post for that]. Anyways, it was actually pretty fun. The food was good, and there was a dining room set-up all fancy-like. I hung out all evening with Michael, and we sat with Bill and his wife Nancy. We all stayed until after the presentations, and some other younger engineers there joined us. Then after closing time, we walked across the street to Thomas's house to hang out and watch tv (kinda); there was a lot of conversation going on.

I was intimidated by how clean and in-place everything in the house was, and I couldn't help imagine if this could've been me (can it still be me?) [I must learn to enjoy what I have] -- and this is the primary reason why I had stopped with the dinner parties and other gatherings after a few months at the job. Now, I don't because my house is always a mess, but that's something I've come to accept. S'alright.

Anyways, this type of gathering felt a bit foreign to me in that I really don't get out that much;I honestly don't [get to] spend very much time with friends. The time over was actually very fun (we were there until near midnight). There were seven of us from work(-ish) and it was nice that it was just us younger people. It was the type of environment that I felt like I could be myself. It was odd but refreshing to be able to speak freely. I was glad to be able to let my guard down, and the forum reinforced the idea that there's no real reason to hide at work. The gays were healthily represented.

So, basically, what started out as a day d&t ended up providing much-needed perspective and much-needed moral support.

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