RUN: 6x 660 @2:18 w/220 jog recovery

I don't know what was up with today. I feel sad, very sad again. Lack-luster? Undefined?

At work, I was relocated to be closer to the team, but I still had an awkward feeling about it... after weeks of complaining on my part, I'm just exhausted. Forms gotten signed, accounts at site created, what do you give the girl who now has everything?

Something simple: care. What is still lacking is the sense of actually being on a team. I'm like a island castaway being rescued without the media hoopla... there's a hollow feeling to it all. How to get past it?... I don't know, and speculating would only create expectations, which are bad bad things. Instead, the AA approach... one day at a time (and minus the "God" part).

Tonight, I got to the BCC parking lot a few minutes earlier than normal, so I put on my blades and did two laps (~1 mile). I then changed in to my NB ultra-light flats. 1/2 mile warm-up to the park. It was chilly (very markedly) today, but still I ran sans shirt. I ran the first four in alternating 2:18's & 2:15's. Thinking that we were to do only 5, I ran a 2:08. But I decided to run a 6th with Loran -- 2:03. I kind of jogged, kind of stretched during my 2-minute 220. My back (lower than before) was aching and the fronts of my ankles weren't behaving either (probably from the rollerblades) and my calves were very tight, probably from Sunday. Loran and I cooled down with a lap around [inside of] the park then back to the parking lot... approx 5 1/2 miles (+ blades) total.

Mom called tonight and stressed me out. She reinforced a lot of negative self-criticism I had, so I told her I didn't like how the conversation was going. I realized that she had good intentions, but she was going about it the wrong way with me. The last thing I needed today was deaf criticism. I need to feel better about myself. So I'm going to bed "early" and just hope that all is going to be better than today.