JOURNAL: An Inconvenient Sunday

I came back from Orlando "early" -- late Saturday -- in order to "be around my things" and get a better night's sleep, and I managed 9 1/2 hours.

I slept on a cot that I had bought thinking that I'd use it at my friend's place, just wanting to test it out. Its design is smart, and it has a taut surface. It wasn't the most comfortable but I count my blessings nonetheless.

The dreams I had last night were particularly strong. An experience from that evening was a clear influence.

What happened yesterday evening:
    At Ikea, there was a group of kids (6-ish) fooling around with a plush frog doll in front of me in the self-checkout line. When they were done with it, they tossed it on the ground carefree. As the other people around looked quizzically and critically at the children's behavior, I immediately scolded "HEY!" and gave them a sharp look. One of the kids picked up the doll and placed it on a side display, a more appropriate place. I turned to the lady behind me, smiled, and light-heartedly said that it was out-of-character for me to be so assertive. [The number of people there was ridiculous, and by that time, I was very tired, very hungry, and my patience was wire-thin.] She understood and empathized, and it felt kinda good.

One of the dreams:
    Someone intentionally and maliciously tore a small corner off a check I was about to redeem, and after that person stormed off, I turned to the teller and told her in a clear and unquestionable tone, "You can still see the number. You can see my signature. You are going to cash this check."

Now, typically, I am very conscious of my use of "I feel"-statements because they are less-confrontational and more-civil, and I don't think that people should be unfairly put on the defensive, but apparently I was absolutely fed up with unmet expectations as to how people should behave, and I really needed to unload some "You"-commands.

Thinking more about it, I feel (hey, there I go again) that it was actually very socially responsible for me to do what I did in Ikea. The parents were being negligent and disrespectful to the store and fellow customers by not controlling their children. And with the dream, I was just standing up for myself, respecting myself, and not being a pushover, pointing out the facts.

The code design review I presented on Friday was a very good experience. The focus and intentions were focused and clearly communicated. And things got resolved immediately.

When I reflect on the people that I look up to, they're the ones that seem to have the most patience in the world. And sometimes I honestly don't know how to handle it when I see their vulnerabilities. We're all human, and that's something that I have to remember. We're a mixture of thoughts, beliefs, and actions, both good and bad. And we have the ability of surprising ourselves in either fashion.

To say that I will be more assertive would be a hard promise to keep. I'm not even sure if it'd be one worth trying to achieve. We are who we are, and I just want to select my behaviors more appropriately. Maybe I should just be happy with the intension of honing and harnessing my newly-re-realized assertiveness.
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And to the initial intension of this post:

So it's Sunday, and I'm in Melbourne. I made a list of errands to run, and after a stack of "100% whole grain & egg-white" french toast, was on my way.


And to condense and quick-mention, drove into town with the sole intension of checking the running club's p.o. box only to discover that it was inaccessible today due to "floor maintenance" (geez thanks). I then went to return a book to the library and maybe pick up a movie, only to discover that it didn't open until another hour.

It was bad timing, and I was getting frustrated. I didn't go aggressive like yesterday, and I was staying clear of d&t. I just decided to stop by the office (on the way) to change into running shorts and getting the run done with even though it's friggin' mid-day -- I figured that I might-as-well run while it was the hottest since the day kinda already sucks.

But after getting sidetracked into writing this well-concentrated-first-draft-of-rant, I will probably still run but with a better head.