Monday, March 17, 2008

JOURNAL: It's Monday Again

[This entry is ATF.]

It's Monday again, that it's back to work... a five-day week. I'm starting to feel a little d&t, but that appears to be on a consistent bi-monthly occurrence. It's more pronounced today because of moments highlighting office politics, and that's the type of stuff that quickly wears on me.

I think back on the weekend, and it feels like I'm living a double life, and that come Monday, a switch is flipped and that I should be back on track.

I am, for the most part, but I also realize that I have to allow for more separation of this meeting of personal and professional life and attitudes.

Before I came out to my parents, I did a lot of reading as to how to go about it and what to be careful of. One of the points was that by coming out, some parents see it as their child telling them that they're someone completely different than how they've been led to think. So one of the things I did was, whenever I'd come home from college, I would just be me. If I was happy, I was happy. If I was sad, I was sad. If I was angry, I was angry. And if I was tired, I was tired.

Simple. But the point was, I wanted them to know who I was.

And when finally did tell my parents that I was gay, they knew. And it was easy. They weren't blind-sided, and they were very supportive.

Today, at work, I'm living half-way in the world of the past. And Although I know that no one in the office would have a problem with me if I came out, I still feel a little bit of that apprehension for the fact that I can't (read: shouldn't)really be myself in the sense that would be familiar to my experience with my parents. The office is a professional world, and I need to find another route to my initiation there.

I have come out to a few people there, but the venue's just not one where I don't feel would be appropriate, though the heterosexual banter is everyday matter. And I feel like I have to retreat to a "non-passionate" attitude there.

This is me and the jungle I'm trekking.
Anyways, really didn't mean to jump into a ramble. It just feels good to look and listen within, and I hope that it made sense.

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